things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
