Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
