May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
