my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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