My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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