If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
