Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
