mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
