I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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