She said her name was "party"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
