what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
