were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
