ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
