i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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