Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
