watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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