I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Let's get the cat blown out
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
