I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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