I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
