I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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