just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
