I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
