Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
