If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
