Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
