I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
