And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
