honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
