He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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