you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
