he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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