There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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