I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
