I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
