I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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