Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
