He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
