I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
