She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
