And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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