Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
