I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
