yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
