Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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