she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
