i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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