i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
