Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
