That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
