i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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